I’ve been feeling worse lately and everything feels out of my control I feel like I’ve run out of options and I feel like I’ve always felt different like mentally and stuff. And I’ve just been so good at hiding it and stuff but I never tried to hide it it was just my coping skill to feel normal I’ve always had a hard time adjusting and I’ve felt bipolar where I feel happy and then sad I always feel the extremes and I always hide it but I feel like I had finally felt actual happiness this summer and like coming down from that was very hard. It’s like one thing triggered it and it’s like I always have to balance out my happiness with equal or greater sadness I can never just feel okay. I’ve realized talking to my therapist and stuff that it may because of untreated adhd. And that just seems so scary. Like it feels so real to have smt like adhd. Like I can’t hide that anymore or put on a mask. Everything is changing so so fast. And it’s like everyone around me seems so happy and usually I could mimic that but it just makes me feel worse. I feel like going through this I’m losing so many people. And I know people are saying well at least you’ll know who your true friends are. I can’t even talk to them because I’m so tired. Even while going through depression I still find a way to hide it because it’s all I’m used to it’s all I’m comfortable with. And so I started getting severe panic attacks. And I feel so suicidal because I feel like I’ve run out of all options and that no one understands. I’ve always felt my mind just worked differently in like normal. And now it’s like all the positives in my life are gone and I’m just stuck with the negatives and more. Everything is so hard and it’s like school stresses me out so much and causes so much anxiety and depression and suicidal thoughts so when I go I feel worse but when i don’t I feel guilty. So what do I do? I can’t heal if I keep going to an unsafe environment but I can’t take a break because I just feel the guilt right now. And it’s like so much like my head is just pounding so hard right now. I’m just either tired or just idek
Comments
Post a Comment