2-25-24

 2-25-24

2:02 AM 

Imma be honest with you it hurts less than i thought it wud. dont get me wrong its the worst possible thing that cud happen and ive been cryint n like having lil attacks (ther not lil) but it doesnt feel that bad which is either scary or pleasing. cause.. i just kinda feel numb like its really weird. It feels like I went into this just big shock. My eyes have that feeling where you've been crying or the tired feeling. dur i keep saying i acc dont care or that idgaf but i prolly do. I cant rlly eat or sleep right now. it happens a lot it feels normal. im glad this didnt happen before cause i prollt wudve hung myself and then drowned and then fall off a building. and write a lil note saying xoxo idgaf. but. its so weird. its so waaatttt this is smt that luke acc really hurts. like huh? wha dur duh. im trippin. i js need a hug. and i cleaned my room and i realized how many of their things i have. like its acc so many things. from like notes to like items and jewelry. bro wasnt js a come n go. thats silly. i wud never say smt like that. damn. i dont have much to say even though i do/ i do have a lot to say. but. idk how. i kinda just shut down. i guess. but its okay:) it doesnt bother me anymore. i just want to feel happy. That's not going to happen soon. kinda be feeling like i never can get a fucking break. I'm just sick and tired of that shit. bruuuuuhhh sick of being da good person, there's nothing good that comes with helping someone trust. theyll lowk use it and u and move on. But we will not be getting into that. i guess this is acc a sign to move tf on cause i dont wanna be as embarrassing as that.💀☠🕱 ewwww like its acc so grosssss. and funny. The whole thing is funny to me. im literally a show its literally a show.

this feeling feels so similar proable because I know how it feels. ive felt it before. but it wasnt me. it wont make sense but i was ready. I cleaned my room. It took 3 hours and I'm very tired. but I cannot sleep anymore and i acc will throw up if I try to eat. so maybe it is bad. i dont know. It's supposed to be going up around now. That's the pattern and that's the cycle and that's how it'll always be. :/

im gunna smile thru it dw.