brain dump (2)

​another really fast brain dump where I just type really fast as fast as I can think because everything sometimes feels really overwhelming like right now I don’t feel good at all I don’t know what to do I’m sad and numb and I don’t even know how to explain I feels like I’m being forced to do things I don’t even know I feel like my emotions can’t even been written out ir types because the hurt so much and the seem so small when there just like this I want to be able to let them out completely in a much better way I hate this feeling I don’t know what to do I can’t go do things anymore all the commitments I’ve made when I’m as happier I can’t do it anymore I don’t feel good my anxiety so I high I just want to take that medication and feel good again and now I see why people so drugs I get it now. I’m not going to but I understand when u feel like this it’s the only way and people always look bad them older generations and its like u have no idea how much it hurts u have no idea how painful this is. I feel like all the friends I wanted to make I’m losing my current relationships and my future ones I just hate the environment I’m in right now and I don’t know what to do. What do u do? What do I do? I don’t know I have no idea at all. Everything is so hard and stressful and if I feel like this on my break how I’ll I feel when my breaks over when I have to wake up and go back to that environment and do it all over again. What do I do what am I supposed to do. I can’t function right now nothings nothing okay I don’t know what to do like I’m just scared and afraid and alone and sad and just trying my hardest to get through it but nothing seems to be working. I just want to let it all out but every time I try to do this it’s not enough there’s still so many thoughts and emotions left in my body I just want it all gone I hate my brain I used to love it being different there’s always ups and downs being different I don’t know. What to do. What do I do. I’m sad. And I have to keep going but I can’t I just need a break from the stress I just need a relief I need time I can’t keep going it’s like a broke car in a race track. It’s like a fresh new car that get recked at the day of the race but it just has to keep racing being I mean that car was made for the race and has been ready for the race and now it happens to break a day before the race. And now the car is completely breaking down. How can u fix a car after it’s completely broken? U can’t soon it’ll be too late to repair and that’s exactly me right now. If I don’t get out of the race and get repaired I’ll be completely broken. And what happens to broken cars? It’s over. Then end. I end. Thinking thoughts I don’t want to think. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t know. I don’t know what. to. do. I can’t breathe feels like I’m suffocating I’m suffering so much u see it’s too much for me to even handle anymore. I can’t do it. I can’t. I dont. I can’t do it.