brain dump.

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  it’s sad. everything is so sad. It’s sad that it’s all just so sad. It feels so hard. Everything right now seems so big. All the stress in my heart and it doesn’t seem to leave even when I do my best to let it all out. I’m trying so hard and then I don’t try at all. I’m so happy then I’m the most saddest being on earth.

time is running away from me it’s going so fast I don’t know what to do. I’m trying my best to be okay but that doesn’t seem enough at all. What do I do? I have no idea. Why do I keep feeling like this. Every time I feel like it might finally be okay it isn’t and now i don’t feel happy at all. Even things that were helping me in this depression aren’t helping me anymore. I keep thinking this is the lowest I can get and then it gets lower. Time is going by so fast and at the time so slow.

I miss who I was but not my pain isn’t grieving it’s just wanting to be okay. What if I can never be that person again? Because that person was also struggling but they ended up being able to get through it I’ve reached a point where I can’t do it anymore.

I need treatment I need medication because I know I have adhd. I know I have untreated adhd because that exactly how I feel. It felt a little peaceful to know but now it’s stressful because what if I need to convince the doctor that I have adhd. What am I supposed to do.

What do I do right now.

I don’t know. I can’t keep waiting while things just keep getting worse. Thursday is so far away and while I should have been getting treat ment and seeing the doctor I’ve just been trying to deal with it on my own. Wasting time again. Once I finally find a solution I have to wait again.

I don’t know what else to say or do but my thoughts won’t shut up they won’t leave me head the stress is so much I’m not okay I’m not okay I’m not okay and no it is not okay that I’m not okay.

:(