12-29-23

​12-29-23

Today I am sad. I am sad again maybe it’s because it’s winter and I have seasonal depression or maybe it’s cause I’ve been sitting around all or maybe because the post and after effect of all the pain is sinking it I don’t know what to do really. The universe was my faith and now it seems like it’s against me. I’m not sure what to believe but I am really tired im not happy going into the new year like this I want to feel good again and I want to be able to feel happy all year around with ofc some ups and downs but this? This isn’t normal, this isn’t fair, I want to feel okay with having to show pills down my throat and feel a little bit better I don’t feel good and I just want to be happy out all my goals and dreams aside for one moment I just want to be okay. I just want to be happy enough by myself with a friend I just want to be a normal person doing normal things that make them happy I don’t want a list of things that make me sad to be so much longer then the list that makes me happy. Nothing makes me happy anymore I just want to look good I need my hair to grow it’s been the cause of this whole hill and 4months it still hasn’t grown it’s about to be 5 months of this shit almost half a year and im suffering like this for what? Its rlly not fair cause I thought things cudnt get worse then last year they did they really did and I was so excited marching band looking back was sm fun during the summer and I cud style anything wnd make it look good I was so excited to bring that energy and bring that looks to school but that memory of the first day of highschool makes me so so sad every time I was so sad and so unconfident I was so defeated. I really was. Because I was so happy and ready to rule the world but I had the small worry the low would come back and it did it crashed on me so yes I have identified the pain in every way possible now tell me how can I finally make it go away? Because I.. I really don’t know how.